I am so self obsessed .I always knew it. But I am pretty surprised at the degree of this disease at the moment. Now you tell me ...am I not right in saying so?? A simple exercise of count of 'I' in the statements so far will provide proof enough! Well...that apart what made me think of the extent of self obsession syndrome that I have fallen prey to, is nothing but my confusion about how I should start 'my' blog. The confusion is more so because it is 'mine'. Since according to me, anything which has this 'my/I' element has to stand out and be catchy and impressive enough to invite others [not just my friends, most importantly my perceived 'enemies' whom I am envious of ;-) ]. Whether it does is a different question altogether. But there won’t be any dearth of effort from my side to make it extra ordinary. If any of my friends or colleagues happen to readi this...they will have a good laugh. Because they must be now wondering even after so much of effort, all that is 'mine' so to speak.. has just been average in their eyes (including mine unfortunately!!). So to all of them, what I have to say is that even if it was just mediocre according to you all...still each of them was/is/will be so special and dear to me irrespective of its publicly perceived value. And so is this post!!

God!!! Now i am tired. I know so are you after reading this bakwas. But one thing is sure..i have tried to do complete justice to my blog name and my pen name through this initial scribbling. I am hoping that you would also agree beyond any shadow of doubt that my mind is constipated.

When I told Miss.Model about the name of my new blog..she said 'yakk' about the 'constipation' part. B.t.w...she needs an intro...she is the one who not only troubles me by sharing our 1bhk in the most densely populated metro in India but also puts me to huge complex when I am growing big (read as fat) to glory. She eats as much as I do, but does not seem to be digesting and hence doesn’t put on unlike me. Uska mann acha nahin hein!! Ohh..i shouldn’t have bitched about her at least not today on her B'day ...many many happy returns of the day dear :)

Coming back to our topic...the name of 'my' blog - Musings of a constipated Mind. I was thinking too hard...whether I should blog in first place!! Firstly, I think writers are these lateral thinkers in to whose category I by no chance would fall. I am so away from lateral thinking that I dont even try my hand at a new pudding..rather would any day go for a well trodden chicken kadai path.

All said and done, I admire two categories of people. One, painters(of course not wall putty) and two, writers. I know I can never get in to creative writing. My Achan (Mallu word for Dad) writes and he always used to encourage me to start scribbling whatever comes to my mind..had done it a few times as a school girl and left it there. Of late, I tried a few lines which when was sent for 'critical' review to Achan's table, I coaxed him to put it under the category of poetry. Then he is the one who suggested why not try 'blogging'.

I know it is 'in' these days. I am a late comer here for a fact though. But even then I am hoping that this late comer also will catch attention from rest of the crowd like in a classroom!! Seems my syndrome has got worse to a little too extreme level.

I know I have meandered a lot from the topic. But let me do a little more and I shall be back in a short while.

I always used to love limelight. But never had the confidence to put my case forward at any place or time. And hence I managed to save my face by showing off my modesty. Acting as though...'Oh...no...let it be..it is not note-worthy and I don’t like people noticing me!!'. Now I think I have reached a point where I am confused what I want or like. But one thing is sure that public attention these days make me slightly uncomfortable. And hence though some where deep inside I like outstanding introduction and weird names and such stuff...no such thing was involved in naming this blog. I genuinely think that my mind is constipated. There are many things which are stuck up and obstructed due to some self imposed inhibitions. And I think these self imposed restrictions started influencing my thought process at an age when I, as a girl belonging to a traditional background [aristocratic nair family as per matrimonial terminology ;-) rofl..] with rural upbringing, started becoming aware of society's rights and wrongs. And I slowly must have got conditioned to it.

So the purpose of this anonymous blog is to flush out all that is there and do the cleansing act. So for the ones who could bear this by reading all through till now, and might have the courage to tolerate my future posts...this is a word of caution for you all..read it as a disclaimer too pls..read at your own risk..there could be lot of shit in my posts...thia is not another show off of my modesty…i am just exercising my freedom of speech and expression here...and i am keeping my anonymity not because i don’t have the courage to stand by what i speak..but because lime light makes me feel uncomfortable ;-)

I think this is enough for now..lets see how it goes...and we will take it accordingly further...

Sorry everyone. I was thinking of winding up with the above line.. but I could not leave without telling you this..the above line is exactly how we sum up every other meeting in our office...when the discussion must not have taken us to anywhere..which more often than not is the case.

Chalo...I know you are more tired than me now...not troubling you much..though to read through this idiotic stuff, it doesn’t require you to tax your grey cells..alvida..till we meet next ..Whenever that be..